Dear Dave,

My husband and I are in our mid-twenties, and we are expecting our first baby this year. We are also debt-free, except for our mortgage, and we expect to have it paid off in about four years. It has always been our dream for me to stay home with our kids, and maybe even homeschool them, when the time was right. My husband makes more than enough for us to live on, so we have always put the paychecks from my human resources job toward paying off the house. What do you think, Dave? I kind of hate to give up the income, but I want to do what is best for my family.   

Ann

Dear Ann,

First, congratulations on expecting a new baby! I know it’s an exciting time in your lives. It sounds like you two have been killing it financially as well. You’ve both worked hard to set yourselves up for a great future.

Honestly, there’s no wrong answer here. Under the circumstances, the big question is what do you want to do? Of course, the final decision should be made by you and your husband together, but you’re doing the smart thing by analyzing the trade-off. By that, I mean comparing the ideas of continuing to bring extra cash to the household or being at home with your baby.

If you love your job and want to continue those duties full-time, it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It just makes you a working mom. But if you’re in a season of life where you don’t need a career income or workplace identity to be fulfilled, or if you just want to be home with your child, that’s a really cool thing, too. And hey, if you like your job, there’s no reason you couldn’t perform some HR functions from home on a contract basis, like 20 to 25 hours a week while the little one’s napping, with minimal strain on motherhood.

Even if you quit today and it takes a couple more years for you guys to pay off your house, so what? It’s still not a bad choice. The bad thing is, lots of ladies end up with mom-guilt no matter what they do. They feel guilty if they’re not staying home with the little one, and they feel guilty if they aren’t generating an income. Society wants you to be everything, and when you choose to be one or the other, it doesn’t know what to do with you—and lots of times becomes really judgey.

You’re blessed to be in a unique financial situation, Ann. So, do what you and your husband feel in your hearts is best for you and your family. Sit down together and talk about it, then make a plan and don’t worry about what the world thinks. God bless you guys!  

— Dave

  * Dave Ramsey is an eight-time #1 national bestselling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

Dear Dave,

My wife and I have always attended church, and we have always tithed. Over the last few months, we have come to the decision it is time for us to find a place to worship that is a little more involved in the community. If we are actively looking for a new church, should we continue to tithe to our current church? Would giving our tithe money to a charity be better? We both agree it feels strange to continue giving to our current church when we would rather be somewhere else.

Brad

Dear Brad,

There’s nothing wrong with continuing to tithe to your current place of worship until you find a new church home. It would probably be alright, too, if you gave your tithe to one of the places you visit while you’re looking. When it comes right down to it, it’s all about learning to be a giver and putting others first.

I can tell you two are taking this situation very seriously. But I mean, it’s not like He needs the money, you know? Tithing isn’t about making a deposit into God’s bank account, or building up spiritual brownie points. It isn’t a salvation issue, either. It’s all about changing our hearts and our minds. It’s about being a little less selfish, and a little more Christ-like. I believe it makes God smile when we put other people’s needs ahead of our own wants.

There are some pretty strong indications in scripture that a tithe—which is a tenth of your income—should go to your local church. I have no problem with giving to responsible charitable organizations, too, but when it comes to tithing, I’m not sure a generic charity is the answer.

My wife and I have had times in our lives when we changed churches, and in the periods when we didn’t have a home church, we’d write out the checks just like normal, but leave the “pay to the order of” portion blank. That way, the money was already accounted for in our minds and in our checkbook. Then, when we found a place that really spoke to us, we’d complete the checks and give them to that church.

I hope this helps a little, Brad. God bless you two!

— Dave

* Dave Ramsey is a seven-time #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.